...it helps if you're not a fundamentalist.
Matthew: I'm all over that chick with those HOTT glasses.
Jamie: takin it downtown..imma knock em off.
Matthew: Gonna be knockin' dem boots. Those patent leather spinster boots.
Jamie: sonseed gets down on it.
Jamie: he is like a mountie, he always gets his man,hell zap you any way he can...zap.
Jamie: zap.
Matthew: Wait a minute -- that patent leather spinster boots chick's a dude? Yo, that shit ain't right, yo. I was gonna be all up IN THAT SHIT. But he's got a bug zapper on his junk? Yo, I ain't fallin' for THAT shit again!
Jamie: those are words to the song..ill bet shes all woman...all woman.
Matthew: Never noticed the words. Just the boots. And those succulent jowls.
Jamie: ugh.
Matthew: Sounds like you threw in the towel. JOWLS FOR THE WIN!!!
Jamie: i was definitely using a towel.
Matthew: If there wasn't a medical-grade toilet plunger involved, I don't wanna hear about it.
Jamie: the plunger is old news..ive moved on to the scrubber.
Matthew: Scrubbers ain't bad, but you get the real kicks from custom-built cheese graters.
Jamie: ive lost two ounces of taint this year!!!
Matthew: Yeah, that necrotic bowel cancer topical ointment is a swell location-specific weight-loss method. Did you get yours from the special packet in the Weight Watchers® Smart Ones® frozen entree too?
Jamie: i bought mine from a guy downtown...he even applied it for me.
Jamie: he did make me look him in the eyes...and call him by name...thats costly enough.
Matthew: What, for no extra charge?! The agency I use usually at least adds a gratuity to cover the egg-beater technician's fees.
Matthew: Good to see that Asheville's tourist-based service industry is there to anticipate the needs of the world-weary traveler. Time was when you couldn't find an ass-ointment masseuse on every corner in town. Thankfully, developers were there to lead us out of such appalling barbarism.
Jamie: true that sir, i love this new age when i can be molested by a total stranger in public without feeling invaded.
Matthew: I'm especially appreciative that they've taken to heart the lessons of the local hospitality industry. Service techs in A'ville have developed that charming mix of proper servility and menacing psychotic rambling that I've come to rely on, while still retaining that unique Asheville flair.
Jamie: we do have standards.
Matthew: And tourist dollars.
Jamie: and needs..oh the needs...
Now, to enjoy this, it helps if you're not a fundamentalist, and don't have to puke at the mere sight of anything resembling Tenacious D.
Okay, okay -- last this become an unmitigated hatefest...
Matthew: I'm all over that chick with those HOTT glasses.
Jamie: takin it downtown..imma knock em off.
Matthew: Gonna be knockin' dem boots. Those patent leather spinster boots.
Jamie: sonseed gets down on it.
Jamie: he is like a mountie, he always gets his man,hell zap you any way he can...zap.
Jamie: zap.
Matthew: Wait a minute -- that patent leather spinster boots chick's a dude? Yo, that shit ain't right, yo. I was gonna be all up IN THAT SHIT. But he's got a bug zapper on his junk? Yo, I ain't fallin' for THAT shit again!
Jamie: those are words to the song..ill bet shes all woman...all woman.
Matthew: Never noticed the words. Just the boots. And those succulent jowls.
Jamie: ugh.
Matthew: Sounds like you threw in the towel. JOWLS FOR THE WIN!!!
Jamie: i was definitely using a towel.
Matthew: If there wasn't a medical-grade toilet plunger involved, I don't wanna hear about it.
Jamie: the plunger is old news..ive moved on to the scrubber.
Matthew: Scrubbers ain't bad, but you get the real kicks from custom-built cheese graters.
Jamie: ive lost two ounces of taint this year!!!
Matthew: Yeah, that necrotic bowel cancer topical ointment is a swell location-specific weight-loss method. Did you get yours from the special packet in the Weight Watchers® Smart Ones® frozen entree too?
Jamie: i bought mine from a guy downtown...he even applied it for me.
Jamie: he did make me look him in the eyes...and call him by name...thats costly enough.
Matthew: What, for no extra charge?! The agency I use usually at least adds a gratuity to cover the egg-beater technician's fees.
Matthew: Good to see that Asheville's tourist-based service industry is there to anticipate the needs of the world-weary traveler. Time was when you couldn't find an ass-ointment masseuse on every corner in town. Thankfully, developers were there to lead us out of such appalling barbarism.
Jamie: true that sir, i love this new age when i can be molested by a total stranger in public without feeling invaded.
Matthew: I'm especially appreciative that they've taken to heart the lessons of the local hospitality industry. Service techs in A'ville have developed that charming mix of proper servility and menacing psychotic rambling that I've come to rely on, while still retaining that unique Asheville flair.
Jamie: we do have standards.
Matthew: And tourist dollars.
Jamie: and needs..oh the needs...
Now, to enjoy this, it helps if you're not a fundamentalist, and don't have to puke at the mere sight of anything resembling Tenacious D.
Okay, okay -- last this become an unmitigated hatefest...
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