Saturday, July 27, 2013

Leonard Cohen - Austin City Limits 1988

My dad and I saw this performance on a local PBS affiliate in 1998, and were much impressed. I apologize for the lousy video quality, but the only source I can find for this fantastic show is an MPEG of a nth-generation VCR bootleg of a television broadcast. But the small venue brings an appropriate intimacy that's missing in larger venues.





Saturday, July 20, 2013

Happy birthday to me!

And to celebrate, here are a small collection of thematically-unrelated tunes! Hooray!
















And just a bit more...
















Great! Now, with all that out of the way, I'm on my way to get some freebie birfday boy meals. Can't wait!

Songs I made up that I wish were real

A while back, I started compiling a list of songs and musicians that didn't really exist. I'm never going to actually compose or record any of these, so if anyone wants to steal an idea or two, go for it. I promise I won't sue.


"Woo Woo Ice Cream Spaceman" by Meat Theatre
"Ear Commercial" by Philip Coppertease & Terrance Nickelbread
"Blood On The Sheets Of Mississippi" by Ass Pilot Vindu
"Heartworm Highways" by Vic Tazer & Eliyon Cyanide
"The Lactating Word Of God" by Gadmar Sudric MacInroe
"Where's The Fire, Officer?" by Shadows Reflect Sea
"Bad Daughter Outcome" by Davio Sambala
"Take Me To The Clinic, Take Me To The Liquor Store" by Fleshpants
"Hungry Weapons" by The Ho Bag Military Orchestra
"Spanked By Syphilis (Loved Every Minute)" by MC Joe Biden

"Hunchin' On The Bus" by Dr. Phibes & The Vibes
"Fell In Love With A Wino" by Priestess Molly Priest
"Animal Dog" by Black Salad Crime Spree
"Nekkid In The Soup Isle" by Jim Barryfellow Hanks, Sr.
"Dick In A Toaster" by Minnie Pearl
"Nasty Sweaty Date With A Purty Little Badger In A Lemon Yellow Dress" by Amy Grant & Vince Gill
"Parsimonious Belch In The Corridors Of Shame" by The Heavy Bucket Boys
"Sometimes I Wish We Were Ugly" by Raella Morganthalia Jones
"Flashback Nutrition" by Escalator Tree
"Word-Slived The Janitor" by Axe Marriage

"Sequel Opportunity Sex Offender" by Cornball Holocaust
"Hooligan Tools" by Wife Biter
"Seen And Not Hard" by Teo MacGuffin & The Fleshworkers
"What Happened To Today (Can Happen To Yesterday Too)" by Prince Oleo Pudenda
"Discharges Of Many Colors" by Swamp Pudding
"Leopard's Running Dilemma" by State Of When
"Flawed and Declawed" by Cackling Jim & The Rimjobs
"My Son Is A Dead Man" by Percy Sledge
"Lonesome and Satisfied" by Durbius Williams
"Samptomoetic Monomataneous Enamorapatics Within Clitoritical Metacoaxicoetics ≠ I ♥ U" by Britney Spears

"Wash Your Animal" by Ladyboy George
"Kung Fu Rapist" by Miasmariah Carey
"Dialing For Diapers" by Overkill Switch
"Torn From The Headlines of Tomorrow" by Goat Lube
"The Scars Above Us" by Piano Shoulders
"Orbus Telado Daix (Autophobia)" by Dakata Katak
"Krautus Blatavatski Gets The News" by Dowager Hammer
"You'll Pay For That Trailer, Norman" by Heavy Math Owl
"Machine Made Of Drool Cups" by Dropship Lollipop
"Taste Of Mexico Knife" by Randall Potts & The Gutshots

Songs I wrote but did nothing with

Casting these upon the waters. If anyone wants 'em,they can have 'em.

This first one is unquestionably the best of the bunch. I imagined it as a Chuck Berry ditty.

Abattoir Party

Hey young lovers, you can take it from me,
if you're ever in Chicago there's a place you oughtta see
It's a place in the stockyards where the kids all go
cause they wanna boogie-woogie at the rock-n-roll show

Abattoir party, nice 'n' smooth
Abattoir party, Dr. Temple approves
Abattoir party, neat as a pin
Labor laws ain't strong enough to let the workers join in

See the little girl in the hairnet hat?
Utility grade meat don't shake like that
She does the Smithfield Shuffle and the Slaughterhouse Slide
FDA regulations don't cover hips that wide

Abattoir party, join the crowd
Abattoir party, inspectors ain't allowed
Abattoir party, it's the place you wanna be
If you bring your own hammer then they'll let you in for free

Upton Sinclair was a good old man
He went to the party with a pen in his hand
He intended to write about the conditions in the place
but he got a bit distracted by the booty in his face

Abattoir party, round the world
Abattoir party, grab a girl
Abattoir party, lose your blues
And get a little red on your dancin' shoes


The next two are nearly word salads, except that there were no intended meanings.

Batman The Rest Of The Time

Batman was the king of the jungle
He taught us how to walk the line
He was drowsy but responsive in his pointy little hat
and he made his Batmobile out of Thunderbird wine

"Solving a crime, bitch
I'm solving a crime"

Batman had hisself a saucy British butler
who collected crystal vinegar toes
He was wise in the ways of the world of the gays
and you never had to ask him where the tater juice grows

The Joker sits at home with nothing to do
Give him a call, bitch
Give him a call

He had a little trouble with a big ol' girl
She had a monkey monkey on her spine
She was feeling kind of wooden when she spilled her baby's puddin'
In the center of the Gotham City highway line

Robin's had it up to here with being called a queer
"Get you hands off my ass, Bruce
I'm calling Social Services this time and I mean it"


Animal Dog

elevator's bite
power vane and smile
the jawbone starts on spaceman parts
you're an animal dog

tears made of iron
headaches of steel
lawsuits and roses
you're an animal dog

rip off the helmet
assemble a tree
shout at the train
about an animal dog

talk to god on a TV set
convince a monkey to die
climb on the surface
of an animal dog

coat it in fire
kill it with paint
memorial gutters on harridan's cloak
you're an animal dog

Saturday, July 13, 2013

Those summer feelings...

I just wanted to hear some rock tunes, but I didn't realize there was an over-arching theme to these songs I picked until I had them all in a visible pile. So don't go making assumptions about the theme. It's just accidental.

Anyway. This:




And on the opposite side of the relationship-song axis...




There's an official video for this next song, but it features a remix that I don't particularly care for. So I'm sticking with the static-image link.





And now we step away from the rock-and-roll room...